Have you ever experienced a period of time in your life where it felt like you were living in a dream? The circumstances in your life, and those moments or feelings, just couldn’t possibly be real. Not in your life. Not in your reality.
A dream? Sure. Crazy things happen in dream world every night. Beautiful, wonderful things. Hilarious, and crazy things. Or horrific, and terrifying things.
These, we have decided to call nightmares. There is a large part of my being that feels like I have been living in a nightmare for the past few weeks. Throughout the month of January I found myself asking the very same question David did when he was coming home from the dentist. “Is this real life??”
And the harsh reality? It was my life. And I could either chose to live it everyday, or let the sacred moments pass me by. I let the hurtful events that took place in my life overwhelm me and let the days idly crawl right by me.
There were days when The Weepies – “The World Spins Madly On” was my theme song. And sometimes those days are needed. We are human, after all. And being completely closed off and numb to the world is a great defense mechanism.
But then there were the days when I would allow myself to feel. Pain. Joy. Sadness. Disappointment. And then try to squeeze some joy in there again. I experienced jubilant laughter, while experiencing a deep hurt at the same time. It was confusing. My thoughts, my heart, and my soul became weary of this tiresome routine.
In the end, I feel like I let January pass me by without even a blink. I allowed my life to tick on, without actually living it.
I am sharing this with you, because I firmly believe that we have all felt these emotions. It could have been for a single moment in time, or you may have been stuck in this torturous state for decades. We have all been there.
I am here to tell you, that I have woken up. I am alive and well and am no longer in a fog where I believe my life is a nightmare. This life is hard. Everyone on this earth is experiencing struggles and pain. We are not perfect. As humans, we fail. We make a mess of everything that is good on this planet, including our relationships and we usually end up hurting the ones we love the most.
But the One who never fails, is perfect. Even more fascinating than that? He loves me. In an unconditional unwavering kind of way. He knows me and all of my failures, and still loves me. It is quite amazing.
“Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; ”
I am done with letting life pass idly by me. He created me to live and to live freely. As long as He keeps blessing me with another morning, I will strive to radiate His love to others. I will work to live and feel each moment and reach to discover the beautiful things out of every situation.
While this month was tough, I am still so thankful for this time of struggle and growth. I know He is fashioning me to be better than I can imagine. And I am alive to be His, and His alone.
Welcome to February, friends. Wake up! Breathe it in and live it deeply. It’s good for the soul.