trials

Confession: 2017 has been a series of unexpected highs and lows like I’ve never experienced before in my life. And lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m swimming in the dark, in an ocean of doubt and confusion with no shore in sight. And when talking with my close friends, I’ve discovered that so many of us are feeling this same way, seeking the light unsure of the next turn.

We are overwhelmed with career choices, new cities, new relationships, new heartbreaks, new seasons…and sometimes it feels like all we can do is just try to stay afloat. Or  make it up every now and then for some air.

Maybe that’s just growing up. Maybe that’s just life and figuring out why the hell we are here.

In the midst of my current season, I’ve been really angry with God. I’m confused, hurt and I just haven’t seen the purpose in it all.

I’ve been keeping my distance from Him and it seemed He was keeping His too. But i had a literal “come to Jesus” moment last night where I found myself facing some hard truths:

Trials are for our good. We can’t trust things until they have been tested. Our refinement is for our good. The fire turns us to gold. If we want to be used by God, we have to go through the trials.

And in the grand scheme of things, our problems that seem like unmovable mountains right now are more like grains of sand on that shore that we are trying to get to.

After crying through the message and gaining the unusual courage to walk to the front of the church for prayer, a complete stranger walked up to me with this verse: “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” (Is 31:20) 🙌🏼🙌🏼 .

I’m not saying that after last night, I woke up and everything was right in the world. I’m still in the midst of choosing to fight through this trial of confusion and darkness. But I have new truths to hold onto through it. That it’s making me better. I’m growing, I’m living. The light will shine through my brokenness and even when I don’t have the answers, I’ll be okay. .

Because that’s faith. The hard, messy, grit of faith. When there’s doubt, you hold on.

I don’t know what you might be struggling with today. And I don’t pretend to have it all together. But I hope you know that on the other side (and there WILL be another side) there’s growth. And it will be good. Oh so good.

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